some direction.

i love to write.

sometimes i ramble, sometimes i make a lot of sense.

i've wanted to write since about the 3rd grade.

i quickly quashed that desire.

my parents had made themselves very clear from the beginning: find a job that will provide for you and a future family.

writing wasn't going to do that for me.

i'm at college, right now. trying to find that profession. you know, the one that will pay the bills, but will still be enjoyable 40 years down the road.

does such a job exist?

i'd like to think so. that's what they tell people my age these days, anyway. follow your dreams. do what you love. dance like nobody's watching. something to that effect.

i'm caught. because both paths i tried in college are leading me nowhere.

i'm a film and english major. education concentration on the english half.

but if i were going to be realistic, i never really wanted to be a film major. i had to bubble in a major when i filled out my college application, and film sounded good at the time. i like movies, why not?

and teaching's not really doing it for me either. i like kids. i like education. i like english. but i really don't like teaching.

you know what i really want to do with my life? i want a bakery. i want to own my own bakery, and serve breakfast and lunch there--diner style. i want big, colorful coffee mugs and formica tables for the dining area. i want a corner for live music and some nice comfy chairs for people who just want to hang out. i want those awesome little white boxes you put baked goods in.

that's what i want.

i told my mom about my little pastry-filled dream, and she told my dad, who in turn said, "well, what the hell did we send her to college for, then?"

oh, dad. what a sense of humor you have.

i've got one year left of college. one year until i really have to decide where it is i'm going. and right now, i've got this summer. an actual summer vacation. the first one in a while, since i've been taking summer classes since sophomore year of high school. i plan to make full use of it. hopefully, somewhere along the way, i'll figure out how to get from where i am to where i want to be.

i'll keep you posted.